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Tag: Vintage Grrl

Sensitive Topic – To Do With Black Dogs

Sensitive Topic – To Do With Black Dogs

“The Black Dog” is a term used to not say the word depression.  I’m not a fan, but there it is.  I’ve lived with a battle with depression and anxiety for over 10 years.  It’s probably been longer, but I didn’t identify with the word until I was almost 26.  I’ve been on and off medication over that time, the last time (until recently) was 5 years ago.  My decision to return to anti-depressants was not an easy one, I had been doing fairly well, or so I thought.

I found myself, sometimes, spending a whole day not really doing anything, nor having the desire to do anything.  Even doing things that I love, including playing with my son, held no joy for me.  I had become joyless and a little slothy, I was certainly no fun to be around.  I was also becoming mad or upset with just about everything and everyone.  Not always without reason, but still.  I am not an angry person.

So I made the decision to go back onto anti-depressants.  The first month was not great.  I remembered lethargy, nausea, and insomnia from the previous bout with meds, but it was so much worse for at least the first 2 weeks.  Only slightly improving in the following 2 weeks.  Once my GP & I made the decision to switch the time at which I take them (before bed, instead of with breakfast), I found I was improving.

I’m almost at the end of my second month now.  I am feeling SO much better.  I am laughing with my whole being again.  I am waking up and feeling like I can face the day with both feet on the ground.  I am feeling inspired again.  I am feeling more like myself.

As a side benefit, whether it has to do with the medication, or the fact that I’m eating more properly and drinking herbal tea instead of cordial or soft drink, I’ve lost about 7kgs.  Doesn’t seem like much, but as someone who struggles with weight, diet and exercise, I find this utterly brilliant!  I have a new set of headphones, a playlist ready to rock to, great walking shoes, and the desire to seize the feeling!  I am going to start my walking right after Easter.  SO PUMPED!

MORE WATER! Getting My Water Intake Up!

MORE WATER! Getting My Water Intake Up!

One of the things I’ve had a problem with is drinking my daily recommended water intake.  I’ve never really counted tea or other drinks, which would bring my water intake to about 300ml a day.  NOT GOOD.

Talking to one of my girlfriends, who has a water bottle that she takes with her everywhere, I was inspired to see what I could do to start being just that little bit healthier.

On one of my “OMG I have so many errands to get done in the space of four hours” days out, I found a nice water bottle made by Lock & Lock.  It was on sale for about $8, it’s BPA free and has a nice opening.  I ended up with a 700ml size, which is rather large… but I’m determined.  It’s lightweight, so won’t be a drag once it’s empty and I have to carry it around.

The dilemma that followed was actually filling it and drinking ALL.THAT.WATER .  The thought of it kind of squicked me out.  But the determination to do something good for myself out weighed the squick.  I started looking up information on infused water, and how I could do it at home without ending up with a big jug of gross.

Google search is magnificent for these things!  Suddenly I was wading through instructions and recipes, suggestions for combinations of fruit and herbs and lots of information!  I remembered I had some frozen raspberries in the freezer, and an infusing jug in the cupboard.  So I put about 1 cup of berries in the infuser and filled with water.  A couple of hours later, I had lovely pink tinted, softly flavoured water.  I filled my jug and finished it before I went to bed last night.  It was so EASY to drink!  I figured the berries would last a couple of days, and I could keep refilling the jug as I put it into my bottle.  I might just be onto a winner here!

I filled my bottle last night before bed, and I’m onto my 2nd one now (2:30pm).  It’s a lovely flavour and I am looking forward to trying all sorts of different combos!  Now I can drink ALL THE WATER!

Giving it a Name.

Giving it a Name.

It’s not often that I get too personal on this blog, but something very big is happening in my life right now.

backFor many years I’ve had a lump at the base of my neck/top of my back.  I’ve had x-rays galore on it, and no one has been able to tell me what it was.  I always felt I knew what it might be, but with so many doctors not being able to identify it, I dropped the subject altogether.

Over the last 8 years, I’ve noticed that it’s grown in size.  It’s now at the point that necklines on clothes don’t sit right, I don’t feel I can wear my hair up so that it’s not covered by hair or a collared shirt, and it’s actually starting to get uncomfortable to look straight up, or lay on my back.  It’s in the way.

During a week that I was feeling particularly down, during one of my GP appointments, I asked my doctor about it.  Told him how much it’s been depressing me, how uncomfortable I am and frustrated that I’ve never been able to get it diagnosed properly.  This doctor has been our GP for about 4 years now, and has been a wonderful carer to our entire family.  He’s wonderful with our son, and always makes sure we’re all taken care of.  It’s a level of care that we’ve not experienced with a GP before.

He took one look at it, felt it, and said that he knew exactly what it was.  He sent me for an Ultrasound to confirm (I’d never had it ultrasounded before), but he was 98% sure it was a benign lipoma.  Don’t google it.. it’s kinda icky.  Basically it’s a separate pillow of fatty tissue that sits between the skin and muscle.  I’ve always felt it was this, although I never had a name for it.


Long story short, I’m having it removed today.  After all this time, it’s finally going away. It’s been a very emotional thing for me, and it really has only started to hit that this fault, this roadblock is going to be gone. I honestly wonder how many things I’ve missed out on during to being insecure about this lipoma.

In preperation, I had been lightly persuaded to go for a new hair do.  Largely in part to make things easier for my dear husband.  It’s really been a good thing to get done, I’ve cut away most of the heavily dyed/bleached ends, and with my soon to be less bumpy back, it might be the push I need.

It’s day surgery, so ill be in and out in no time. But I’m not sure on recovery. Husband is taking a week off to help, and we’ll see from there. I’m not sure how much of anything I’m going to be able to do.  I’ll be up and about as quickly as I can, I have a lot of plans to put into action once I’m recovered.

There is much tea to be drunk!