I have been getting in my own way for a very long time. It’s often the case. You find reasons NOT to do things, find things that are holding you back. The fact of the matter is, the main reason that you’re not doing something, is yourself*.
I’ve always thought that if you want to include something in your life badly enough, you will take the time to make it happen. One example is my knitting. I take my knitting with me to school drop offs and pick ups. I’ve often had people come up to me and say “I wish I had time to knit”. They don’t realise that they do. But it’s not a priority in their life. Which is perfectly fine, we all have different things that are important to us.
Priorities can change, though. Mine have, somewhat recently. Looking after myself has not been a priority for quite a while. I have been fooling myself, that merely surviving has been taking care of myself. It hasn’t. I haven’t for quite some time.
I have gained an excessive amount of weight over the past fifteen or so years. Way more than I ever imagined I would. I have been married for 12 years, and have an 8 year old son, and I’ve not really been able to, or made it a priority to get rid of it. Along with the excess weight, I’ve gained a couple of health problems, including Plantar Faciitis, and heel spurs. I’ve been fortunate that my blood pressure and cholesterol levels have continued to be in a healthy range.
I have spent a long time trying to “cope” or “accept” my body, but my public bravado of “love myself the way I am” was, and is for me, complete bullshit. I don’t love being this way, I’ve never been able to really accept being this overweight. When I was at a good, healthy weight, I was happy to call my self curvy and svelte. I’ve never been “thin”, I’m happy not to be “thin”, but I’m miserable being overweight. This has nothing to do with society’s definition, I don’t really care what anyone thinks about how I look, do my hair, or what clothes I choose to wear. I’ve just been constantly uncomfortable, out of breath, depressed, and tired.
Well, it is now a priority. I have started to, and will continue to, take care of myself. Just before my birthday I made the decision to change some things. Well, quite a few things.
After seeing my sister and best friend have some pretty great results with some changes they had made in their diet, I thought I’d give it a try. There is no specific “name” to what I’m doing, but it’s close to “Low Carb, High Fat”. (I’m not doing “Paleo”) I have removed most grains from my diet, including wheat, rice, corn, and oats. I have stopped using refined sugar, substituting where needed with other options, like xylitol and maple syrup, but I am trying to remove sweeteners altogether where possible. I have succeeded in weaning myself off having sugar in my tea, and, for the most part, my coffee. I am making sure I eat protein at least twice a day. I am including extra “good fats”, like olive oil, coconut oil, and avocado oils. I am eating fruit, but it’s no more than 2 pieces every 3 days. I am overloading on vegetables like zucchini, dark leafy greens, cabbage, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, and broccoli. I am eating cheese, yoghurt, cream, and other dairy. I’m unable to substitute nuts, nut flour, nut oils/milks due to my son’s allergies, which makes some of the grain free variations a bit of a challenge. To some, it might seem like a huge sacrifice. I must admit that the convenience of things like bread and pasta is missed, but I’ve never been one to shy away from cooking. Plus I’m already used to boycotting certain foods/products due to dealing with my highly allergic son’s diet needs.
I am also returning to dancing. I’m starting slow. I’ve been out on a few social nights with my sister, which has been SO much fun! I’m also trying to get to a class night at least once a week. Doesn’t matter if it’s swing or rock’n’roll, the idea is to get out and about, meet the people who have started dancing over the last 10 years, and see how the scene has changed. The scene I remember is gone, which is sad. But I am looking forward to exploring the new one.
What has taken me by complete surprise is that I am seeing a rather tremendous change already. I have shed almost 5kg since my birthday, my sleeping has improved, and I find that I am waking up more alert. The carpal tunnel discomfort that I get from time to time has decreased as well, which has been a welcome side effect.
This is the start of a long journey. But it has been a good start.
* This is as it pertains to me. I’m certainly not making judgements on anyone elses life.